We just wrapped up the last leg of Pixel Academy today.

I should feel nothing but happy. And I do.. I really do. But there’s this part of me that feels… lacking. Like I held back. Like there was more I could’ve given, more of myself I could’ve poured out. Now that I’m home, sitting with the silence, I can’t shake this strange heaviness in my chest. I really did feel joy. I felt fulfillment. But at the same time… I felt like I wasn’t enough. Like I could’ve done more, been more, shown up more fully.

I felt like I was not able to give my absolute best. It’s such a weird mix.. gratitude tangled up with longing.

But, it's not something that I see negatively.

Maybe this feeling is not a bad thing. Maybe this ache is what will keep me moving, what will keep reminding me that I’m not done yet. That I can still grow into the person I want to be.

A tug. Like my heart is telling me, "you’re not there yet, but you will be.." I want to reach that point where I can go home from something like this with no “what ifs.” Just joy. Just peace.

I see what I'm feeling as fuel towards what I want to achieve. I want to be able to reach a point that I will no longer feel this way. 

I want to go home from an event feeling fulfilled and happy and like I have done all that I can. 

Nevertheless, I am grateful that I met this community. 

I found something I never thought I’d find again. People. Real ones. The kind who make me feel like I can breathe, like I can drop the act, like I don’t always have to be composed and put-together.

A community. A place where my dreams aren't just seen, but nurtured. A place where I can show up, be messy, be real, and still be accepted.

Because at this point, I see the Pixel Creator community as one of my support systems and I can't believe that I have that now. I can't believe that I truly have one. That I fully trust that I have one. I have full confidence that I can talk to them and let them in my thoughts and they will be there to listen, connect with me, and set me straight if need be.

Human ears can be as patient as pen and paper, it seems.

They were the only ones patient enough to hold everything I couldn’t say out loud. But now… maybe human ears can be just as safe. Maybe hearts can, too.

With Pixel, I can laugh too loud. I can ramble about my ideas without fear they’ll be brushed off. I can say the things I used to only tell my journals, and instead of silence, I’m met with nods, smiles, understanding.

Through the Pixel community, I was able to find like-minded people and I was able to start trusting people again. I was able to slowly open up to people and have faith that they will be on my side and that they will be willing to listen to what I have to say.

I didn’t realize how much I missed trusting people. I didn’t realize how much I missed being heard. Slowly, piece by piece, Pixel is teaching me it’s okay to open up again. That maybe not everyone will leave. That maybe when I speak, someone will actually care enough to listen.

That maybe, just maybe, people can be safe too.

I am grateful that my potential was recognized and that I was able to do something about it.

Is this how it feels to have friends?

To have a community you can lean on? To know.. really know and believe.. that there are people rooting for you, watching you, waiting to cheer when you finally make it?

Is this what it feels like to have friends?

To really have them? Friends who don’t just make you comfortable, but also push you to grow? Because that’s what they do. Pixel isn’t just a comfort zone... it’s a mirror and a challenge. They make me want to be better. Not just for myself, but because I know they’re watching, rooting for me, waiting to celebrate with me when I finally get there.

They give me a sense of responsibility that I need to make sure to keep on working on myself and my craft because there are people who are rooting for me and watching me, waiting to cheer for me when I finally achieve my dreams.

I think "grateful" is an understatement at this point. I think I can no longer describe what or how I feel about this community. 

I feel safe. I feel seen. I feel acknowledged. 

I feel that I can be myself with them and I can be unfiltered. 

I do not feel the need to be so composed all the time. 

I feel free to be simply Nessa.

Pixel Babies, thank you. For holding space for me. For reminding me what it’s like to trust. Thank you for seeing me. For letting me in. For reminding me I’m not as alone as I thought.

From the bottom of my (used-to) stone cold heart, thank you, Pixel, and love y'all to the moon and back.. love y'all more than these words can hold. 

This era is one of the few moments that I am unable to figure out who I really am. 

Am I a Team Leader?
Am I a blogger?
Am I a working student? 

I do not recognize this stage of my life. 

I used to be so sure of who I was, and yet.. here I am questioning my very being.

I guess it comes with the territory of starting over. It's also time to redefine myself, and rediscover who I truly am. Maybe this is what starting over truly feels like.. when the old definitions no longer fit, and the new ones haven’t fully formed yet.

A strange in-between.

At my very core, I am a writer. I've always said, my pen and paper will always be more patient than human ears. 

I used to write about everything that I was going through, but somehow I lost that as I went along this life. I became a lot more guarded with my thoughts and feelings. I became more distrustful of the people around me and eventually, distrustful of myself. 

I learned to keep my thoughts and ideas to myself. I learned to silence myself. To keep my ideas locked away, not even trusting the journals that had once been my closest companions. I even started doubting that I was still a writer.

I felt that if I wasn’t sharing my words, or even allowing myself to put them down at all, then maybe the title didn’t belong to me anymore.

Because if I wasn’t writing, did I still deserve to call myself one?

Every time I needed a moment to myself, however, every time there is a quiet moment.. I still look for pen and paper. I still keep a tiny steno pad and a green pen in my bag. I still keep mementoes from every moment in my life in a brown envelope, waiting for the right moment to be pasted down and remembered. I guess it's still there, somewhere. The Writer in me may not have left after all. 

What I think now, writing doesn’t leave me, even when I turn my back on it. It waits. Patiently. Quietly. Until I’m ready to return. 

Perhaps that's why I have that tiny journal in my bag, after all? 
Why I keep collecting mini notepads?

Why nothing compares to the joy of being gifted a good pen or a blank journal.

The Writer in me bid her time. 

Now, it's time for her to return. 

This season, this integration of all of me.. it’s a way of reclaiming the pieces I’ve scattered over the years. I am not just a team leader. Not just a student. Not just a blogger. I am all of those things, pieced together, informed by every stage of who I’ve been and who I am becoming.

Woven together by the writer in me, who has always been there, through every version of myself. The good ones, the bad ones, and even the ones I couldn't even remember anymore.

So maybe this moment isn’t about having all the answers. Maybe it’s about learning how to hold all the questions.

Maybe it’s about remembering that being a writer isn’t about never doubting... it’s about writing anyway.

And if I can do that, then perhaps I’ve never lost myself at all.

Since I'm treating this as a new era, seems fitting that I also start a brand new blogging challenge. 

This time though, I'll keep the mechanics simple -- the only rule I'm giving myself is to show up and post daily for 30 days. No strict themes, no perfect outlines, no deadlines... just consistency.

And no better time than to start now.

I mean, today is better than any day, right? 

Starting over doesn't always have to be on the first of every month or on Mondays or on New Year's Day.

My truth is, starting over doesn’t need a calendar date. It begins the moment you decide:

“This is the day I choose myself. This is the day I start again.”

So, yeah. 

To add a little fluff, I guess, I also wanna share why I want to start a 30-day blog challenge. 

The reason's pretty simple. 

I just want to.

I don't want to spend another day or month or year waiting for the right moment to bring my blog back to life or to start sharing my thoughts again. 

I feel like I have spent so much time waiting and wanting for the right moment that I have missed the whole point of starting over. 

Waiting has only kept me stuck. And if there’s one thing I’ve realized, it’s this: the act of starting is already a win. 

Starting over means choosing yourself, and continuing to choose yourself everyday. 

Starting over means choosing to honor the promise you made. 

For me, starting over means remembering to love myself, by doing the things that I love every single day. 

This challenge is my way of coming back home to myself. And like all things, we all start somewhere. For me, that “somewhere” is here.

Today. 

Today, I dared.

Today, I won. 

--

Starting over is never about perfection, it’s about showing up. Now, I’d love to hear from you: How are you choosing yourself today?

Life never does turn out the way you want it, huh. 

At this point, I feel like a broken record saying that my life has changed. 

How many times have I said that ? 

This time though.. it feels so.. different. 

I have basically uprooted my whole life for the past 29 years and I am now starting from literally zero. 

New work, new home, new partner, new friends, new environment. 

New everything. 

Everything that I have thought about and dreamed about and built for the past 29 years is now gone. 

Instead of feeling sad about it, however, I am choosing to see it from a perspective truer to mine. 

I'd like to see this as a brand new chance to reintroduce myself. Rebuild myself. My content. My dreams. My path. My role in this world. 

So yea. 

Hi, I'm Nessa. Nice to re-meet you. 

What: Soyeon Cup Sleeve Event

When: August 23, 2025 | 2PM-5PM

Where: Cafe 379 | 379 E. Quintos Honaradez, Sampaloc, Manila, Philippines

If you told me last year that I’d be back here—writing, creating, sharing bits of my mind online—I honestly might’ve laughed. Or cried. Or both. (Definitely both.)

Because these past 3 (4?) months hasn’t been the kind of growth I expected. Wasn't what I'm used to. It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t viral. It didn’t come with a marching band or “milestone unlocked” moment.

Instead, it’s been softer. Slower. But real.

The kind of growth that sneaks up on you, like when a friend randomly mentions an old blog post you assumed no one read. Or when someone slides into your messages—not to ask for a favor, but just to say, 

"Hey, I see you." 

And that? That has meant everything.

I always thought I had to be the very, very best to be worth noticing. Prettier, flashier, better. But the past months have shown me that maybe just being myself—thoughts messy, ideas half-formed, heart on sleeve—is enough.

So here’s me, pausing mid-journey to say: 

Thank you, I appreciate you.

Thank you to everyone who’s been quietly supporting me.

To those who read my rambles.

To those who believe in me when I forget to believe in myself.

To those who remind me that this weird little thing I do matters.

This year has been full of surprises, but your quiet encouragement? The silent taps and touches during IRL meets? That’s the plot twist I didn’t see coming—but desperately needed.

So yes, I’ll keep creating. Not because I’m chasing success, but because I’m grateful. And honestly? Because I’m a little stubborn like that. 

Here’s to growth that doesn’t need to shout.

And to all of you who’ve been listening anyway.

With all my love (and a slightly irrational heart), 

Nessa.

Days like these really make me believe in kismet. 

My original plan was to attend my book club cafe meet, then head on over to Sticker Con and Komiket right after. 

However, plans changed and the club meet was rescheduled and I left Sticker Con around 7-ish – time does fly when there are so many stories to listen to and artists to connect with. 

So, Komiket got bumped the next day. 

I planned to go early – right after a run but I woke up a little too late. As a recourse, I decided to chill at a cafe and do a little content planning with my Pixel Academy Journal. Mimi (my KOMIKET BGC buddy) and I touched down at Komiket around 5PM. 

My Pixel Academy Journal !

Just when we were starting to browse (and right when we were next to the stage!), Sir Pol Medina Jr.  , creator of Pugad Baboy shared about his work onstage. 

Sir Pol is my Nevaeh’s fave comic book artist – we have been looking for his books above and beyond, hitting every bookstore possible to check if they had any in stock, and just when we weren’t expecting it, we found ‘em. All the book series we were looking for were there too – the last of each copy for that day. 

The creator was there too, and we even had the honor of sharing life anecdotes and how his work was part of our childhood. 

w/ the amazing Sir Pol Medina Jr of Pugad Baboy Comics!

Kismet. Fate. Being at the right place, at the right time. 

Sir Pol Medina Jr signing our book copies!

Moments like these answer questions i’ve had for a long time. they quiet the self-doubt, the worry of “am i supposed to be here?”, the sense of “is it too late for me?”. 

One of the things Sir Pol mentioned during our quick chat was that (non-verbatim) “Gumawa ka para sa’yo, at dapat ikaw yung pinakamasaya sa mga gawa mo.”

And so i shall create. 

For Nessa who started from creating her own scrapbooks, memoirs, novellas and storybooks, to discovering acrylic paint and canvas, then transitioning to makeup brushes and glam, subsequently enrolling in a liberal arts course, and now designing clothes via crochet.

I’m a creator. A creative. An artist. 

Always have been. Always will be. 

#supportlocalcreators 

#komiket2025 #komiketbgc 

P.S. As with my post about Sticker Con, I included the list (and links!) of artists who were there. Let’s support our local artists and creators, a like or a follow may not seem much, but it is golden to those who are bravely putting themselves out there.

It’s not going to be the same out there.. But I’m gonna create anyway. 

This was the line that stuck with me when I watched the movie. Everything was all fun and games and laughter until they dropped that line. I probably didn’t get it verbatim, but man, it definitely got me in the feels. 

As a very casual gamer of Minecraft, I thought this was going to be another feel-good movie that would be a nice way to start my Monday with (we got to attend the pre-screening, thank you NerdHeard!). Something cool to share during my morning meetings. 

I definitely didn’t expect to be fully engrossed in the movie and to enjoy it 100% of the way. 

Maybe it was the crowd of kids around me. Maybe it was their contagious energy and excitement that made me feel as giddy as them. Maybe it was their laughter that made me giggle out loud with every punch line. 

Whatever it was, it definitely made me rethink my life choices as of late. It made me understand why my little cousin left me notes and drawings asking me again and again to download the game for them. It makes sense now, Kiko – why you were so entertained by tiny cubes on the screen. Why you could spend hours on end clicking and tapping. 

        

It was because in Minecraft, anything was possible and you could be anything. The possibilities are endless and everything can be built cube by cube and dream by dream.

There was so much empowerment packed in under two hours of screentime. Gar Gar showed me unbelievable hope that believing in myself and being honest about my struggles will guide me towards my dreams. Steve proved that going back to childhood joys can lead to grown-up contentment. Even the villager was able to find happiness simply by stepping out of their comfort zones! 

Steve, Henry, Garrett, Dawn, & Natalie’s message was solid as a bedrock block. Whatever stage of life you’re in, there’s always a spot for creativity and making your dreams come true. There’s always something new to discover in this huge world – it can be in a game, in a new town, or even in yourself. 

It’ll always be up to you to follow the call and see for yourself where your imagination and vision can take you. 

A Minecraft Movie is out now, April 2, 2025 in SM Cinemas nationwide. 

This movie is directed by Jared Hess, starring Jason Momoa, Jack Black, Danielle Brooks, Emma Myers, and Sebastian Eugene Hansen. 

Thank you NerdHeard and Warner Bros Philippines for the opportunity to attend the pre-screening.